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Saturday, June 03, 2006

And a Pox on Glabrous Muslims?

A Poem by ZG

Glorified be He who beautifies women with long locks of hair
And Men with long beards
There is beauty in the beard
Aye, there is beauty in the beard!
When the lion roars all the animals submit
For the lion is the king of the jungle
The lion with its glorious mane
And a Muslim man grows his mane in pride
Showing the rest of humanity that he is to be respected
Can one imagine a lion without its mane?
Nay, thou canst not!
Then imagine a man without his beard
Woe to worldly women who mock the beards so!
Desiring husbands with clean shaven faces
Woe to women who mock the Prophets Sunnah
In the name of hygiene, neatness and smooth texture
Indeed the women of this world cannot like the beard
But she who wants Paradise adores the beard!
A beard is a gift given to man by Allah
He can grow it; a woman never can!
When he ponders, he gently strokes it;
When he eats, it stores food;
When he is with kids, they play with it adoringly;
When he is with his wife, she fondles it lovingly;
When the enemy see it, fear is struck in their hearts!
Ah! there is indeed beauty in the beard!
All the Prophets had beards - yes they did!
Muhammad (PBUH) had a beard - so big! so big!
All the companions had beards - o yes! o yes!
All the sages had beards - I know! I know!
All the wise have beards - tis true! tis true!
All the pious have beards - you see! you see!
All the Muslims have beards!? - if only! if only!
Who did not have beards? The kafirun!
Who had clean shaven faces? The kafirun!
Who grew their moustaches? The kafirun!
"And what did our Prophet order?" I hear you ask
He ordered us to lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!
Lengthen the beard and trim the moustache!
What greater reason than this can there be
The fact that our Prophet told us to see
That we make ourselves appear to the world
As full bearded men with honour untold O Muslim brothers!
Why do you desire to look like a woman
When your blessed facial hair is the difference
Between you and the opposite gender?
O poor Muslim brother! Why do you imitate the kafir
Instead of following the Prophet of Islam?
O silly Muslim sister! Why art thou so blind?
Infatuated with Bollywood actors who have no mind!
O wretched sister! Are you not scared of your choice?
You would rather have a feminine monkey
Instead of an exalted manly ape!
So indeed I love my beard
And adore the curls and tangles
Which no oil, gel or superglue can ever straighten
My glorious long, curly, messy, fluffy beard!
The playhouse for kids;
The envy of Malaysian people
And the beloved of Allah!
I maybe rejected by worldly women
Because of this hair on my face
But who cares! For my Mum loves it
And she puts all such sisters to disgrace!
Be patient Muslim brothers,
Who shun the trendy look for a Prophetic pose …
Paradise with the wide eyed Houris is our final abode!!!!!"

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Blogger the olive ream said...

Is this for real?! It is unbelievably funny and strangely horrifying (if it is real) at the same time.

This has to be satire...this can't be real.It is too damn funny to be considered anything but...

03 June, 2006 22:14

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

04 June, 2006 03:52

Anonymous Faraz Minai said...

Zak just curious as to how/where & why did u stumble upon something like this? :)

04 June, 2006 13:39

Blogger Zakintosh said...

You have to move in the right circles, Faraz ;-) ... I was sent this by a dear friend who sports a beard.

04 June, 2006 18:23

Anonymous {RLA} said...

When the lion roars all the animals submit
For the lion is the king of the jungle
{About the king of the jungle: It is only the female that hunts. Lion only waits to take his share after she hunts. He is also known to steal food killed by other animals like Hyena, Wolves and Wild Dogs. He is one of the laziest animals, who spends most of the time in sleeping or snoozing. He is one of the very few who share their females with three or four males mate simultaneously. The mating cycle is also one of the shortest amongst animals, about ten seconds (only birds have similar short cycles). Lion is also one of the very rare species who kill their own young ones just to bring the lioness on heat so that he could mate with her. So if ZG wants to glorify a lazy, thief and murderer male as his idol, just because he has a mane, so be it}

A beard is a gift given to man by Allah
{So is the moustache and the hairs over the head, under the arm pits and between the groin. Why remove those? Oh you good Muslims! the foreskin that is sliced off in the name of Sunnah is also a gift of the God to the men. Why do you slice that off?}

When he eats, it stores food;
{This is the height of imagination. Why bother about pantry when good Muslims have a food storage hanging by their chins?}

When the enemy see it, fear is struck in their hearts!
{Then Muslims must be terribly afraid of Sikhs, who have the longest beards -never trimmed- and have untrimmed hair on the top of their heads}

All the Prophets had beards - yes they did!
{All the scoundrels did as well, as there were no shaving facilities in the good old days}

All the companions had beards - o yes! o yes!
{All his enemies had beards- O yes! O Yes!}

Who do not have beards? The kafirun!
{Sikhs and Hindu Sadhus have longer beards}

04 June, 2006 19:19

Blogger jadedprimadonna said...

Very interesting indeed. The satire is so well-blended, the less observant eye might miss it.

07 June, 2006 05:58


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